(Don's oldest son Ralph asked Jack Rochford to speak at Grandpa's funeral. Jack and Don were not only members of the same church congregation but they were close friends. I asked Jack if it would be okay to share his message because I've had several people ask for copies. It is a wonderful tribute and taught me things about my Grandpa I never knew. Thank you Jack!!)
My wife Cheryl and I have often commented that the busyness of today’s world has gotten so crazy that we fail to be kind or even civil to one another. Don Scoffield was busy, but he took the time to be kind. My family and I moved to Three Forks in 1980 and Cheryl’s father had told her to look up his old childhood friend named Don Scoffield. As young boys they used to tend their parents cattle together as they grazed on the banks of the irrigation canal near Tremonton, UT. But she didn’t have to go find Don--Don found her. While enrolling our kids in school, a thin, friendly, salt of the earth, man came up to her and introduced himself as Don Scoffield. He made no mention that he was the School Board President, but instead, he was interested in our family. Where was she from? Who was her husband? What brought us to Three Forks? And what could he do to help us? That began a family friendship that has endured over thirty years. Don became more than a friend, he was a father figure. I’ve been hearing other people say that all week.
That was Don’s nature--Don sought out friends wherever he went. It was Will Rogers that said “a stranger is just a friend that I haven’t met”. Will said it and Don lived it. The scenario I described repeated itself over and over in Don’s life. I would bet that the first time you met Don, it was he that took the initiative to first extend his hand and introduce himself.
I am honored, but humbled to be asked by Don’s family to speak today. I recognize and acknowledge my inadequacy and I would ask for your faith and prayers that I might say something that is worthy of Don and also comforting, spiritually uplifting, and of benefit to those who hear.
Don was not a perfect man. He would be the first to tell you that. None of us are, but Don was a good man--a very good and decent man. I’ve struggled with what to say. It wasn’t a matter of coming up with what to say, but rather a matter of limiting what I would say. We all could tell stories of Don from now until dark. At Bobby Kennedy’s funeral, his brother Edward said, “My brother need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life; to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it…” That very same statement is so true of Don.
From my perspective, Don’s priorities were relationship with God and Savior, relationship with family (and we might add friends), a work ethic and charity. By charity, I mean much more than handing over money--I mean a Christ like love of his fellowman. Essentially all four of those principles could simply be called living the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Don came to Montana, not much more than a kid, with a loving wife, a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, unlimited ambition, the promise of a job, and not much more. Through hard work he and Pat built a beautiful ranch. He worked for Doc Ray at the vet clinic and then went home to finish the work that he hadn’t gotten done before he went to the clinic and the work that Pat didn’t get finished during the day. Jack and Hester Ray and Don and Pat have been the very best of friends.
When Don got to Three Forks the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had no building. Worship was important to Don and Pat so they welcomed the few other Church members they found to Sunday meetings in their home. In our Church we have no paid ministry and Branch Presidents and Bishops usually serve for approximately five years. Don was Branch President three times and served as a counselor for other Presidents at least twice. He was teaching in his men’s group at the time he died. He has stayed in the service of the Church his entire life. Don was proud of his Mormon heritage and his religion, but he fiercely defended those of other faiths. Any criticism of our Catholic or Protestant friends was quickly rebuked.
Don was instrumental in building the facility that now houses the Three Forks library. That building served the Three Forks Mormon community for nearly 45 years. When our local congregation had outgrown it and we built the building we are now in, Don played a critical part in convincing Church Authorities in Salt Lake City that the building should be sold to the City for just the cost of the land it sat on. Others have taken credit, even calling it “my library”, but although it was never properly acknowledged, the truth is that the City would not have that building without the effort of Don and a few other members of the Church. Don loved this community and served it well.
Don attended every High School sporting event that he could get to. He liked High School sports, but the real reason was because Dad loved his kids and Grandpa Don loved his grandkids. Kristin recently wrote that “…the combination of farm work and parenting didn’t always result in perfect harmony.” I still chuckle when I visualize he and Ralph going at each other over whether the youth of the Church should be camping or working. “If you want to get close to your kids, you work with them”, Don would say, “not sit around a fire burning wieners”.
He cared about all kids. Don was an honest man--he paid his bills. But I found out this week that he has several debts in our community that are unpaid. One of his ploys with the community students was to “bet” them a milkshake on getting an “A” or getting on the honor roll. My kids and their spouses have come forward this week to say that Don left without fully honoring all those milkshake bets. Someone else said the same thing on Kristin’s blog. So Pat, you may have to buy some milkshakes sometime.
Don would do just about anything that someone asked him to do. But--if you tried to tell him what to do--it was like trying to push a chain down the road--it didn’t work. No one really ever made Don do something that he didn’t want to do. And if you were the delicate type, you might be better off if you didn’t ask his opinion on a sensitive matter. Don was honest and he would tell you what he thought--maybe “more honest” than what you bargained for. On more than one occasion Don has chastised me and called me to repentance for something he saw out of line. How many here have experienced that wagging finger of his, and the words, “hey fella--we need to have a talk”? Or maybe, “come over here a minute--I’ve got something to say to you?” He used to say, “no sense being timid here, might as well talk plain so that everyone understands what you mean”. And talk plain, he did!
In my estimation, the scolding and the rebukes came to those who were out of line and deserved it--and were strong. On the other hand, he was tremendously forgiving and tolerant of all those who were spiritually or emotionally down. He had a knack of recognizing the difference. In what was probably the darkest period of my life, when others had lost hope and patience, Don came to my house and did that finger wag thing. But there was no scolding. He put his arms around me and around Cheryl, sat us down on the couch and told us that the sun was going to come up tomorrow. He gave assurance that God still existed and my life and my well being mattered. He was in a leadership position in the Church and he told me that he had just returned from visiting with our Stake President and they wanted me to teach the lesson to the men each Sunday. That single small act of someone caring and giving me purpose, changed my life and quite possibly saved my faith.
I’m going to tell one story that my wife said I shouldn’t. But it is a good one about his brutal honesty:
One time Frank Kemmerer from M&W Repair sent a fellow and his wife over to the bank who were looking for some assistance. Their vehicle needed some minor repair to get down the road and they were broke. They had told Frank that they wanted to see a Mormon Bishop. Frank didn’t have a clue who that would be, but he knew that I was LDS. It just so happened that Don was in my office at the time.
The more we visited with these folks the more we felt that it was a bit of a scam and the husband got a little pushy. He kept saying, “I don’t care about myself, but I’ve got to get some food for my wife”. After he had said that about three times, Don started the finger wag, and said, “Look fella, I’m trying to figure out how to help you and we’re going to, but from where I’m sitting it looks to me like it wouldn’t hurt her to miss a couple of meals”.
My recollection is that Don then got his son Ralph to do some minor repairs, we fed them, got them some fuel and sent them down the road. Brutal honesty followed by compassion.
As I said, Don would do things if you asked him. I got him to go swimming one time at Fairmont Hot Springs. (I always wondered where he got the swimming suit) I talked him into playing golf, once! He agreed to go to the movie, “The Right Stuff” about the Mercury VII astronauts. Among other awards that movie earned four Oscars, but it wouldn’t have if it had been up to Don. It turned out to be over three hours long and he pouted and shook his head for the last two. Afterward we went to a fast food restaurant. I don’t think Don was quite 60 yet and the young clerk asked him if he wanted his senior discount. Don wagged his finger and said, “young fella if I couldn’t afford a hamburger, I wouldn’t of ordered it”. I’ve remembered that for 20-some years.
All this last week people have been telling me about the acts of kindness of Don Scoffield and how he has touched their life.
One widow told me that when her husband died, Don showed up unannounced with a big load of cut and split firewood because he knew they heated with
wood.
Another said that her son would not have graduated had it not been for Don.
One said he doctored their animals when they couldn’t afford it.
Another said he came and showed us how to build a fence and then helped us do it.
One lady said that she and her husband owed their happy marriage to Don. When Don inquired about her well being she confided that her marital relationship had run aground. Don asked “ well, do you love him?” When she said yes, he then wagged his, “come here let’s talk finger”, went to a more private corner and then gave her a sermon on repentance, forgiveness and love.
The list could go on. The outpouring of admiration for Don is unlike any I have experienced in my life.
Don served as a director at my bank and he was a darn good one. It seemed like he knew everyone in our trade area and what kind of an operation they had. His experience and wisdom helped me a lot. But I often doubted that he would have been a good lender. My fear would have been that he was so generous that he might have broke the bank. His family knows of many generous things that he did, but I found out this week that the list is longer than any of us thought.
In 1 Peter 4:8 we read, “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” If that is true and I believe it is, I submit to you that Brother Don Scoffield is in good standing with his God. Our Savior’s sacrifice and grace cover the imperfections.
This event that we mortals call death is but a separation of the spirit and of the body. This separation naturally causes sorrow and shock among those left behind. The hurt is real--only the intensity varies. Even when the elderly or the infirmed have been afforded merciful relief, their loved ones understandably do not want to let go.
That is normal and healthy. Mourning is one of the deepest expression of pure love. Tearful separation now will help us appreciate joyful reunions later. The only way to take sorrow out of death would be to take love out of life and we can’t do that.
The writer of Ecclesiastes said, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die.” (Eccl. 3:1-2) Without death the Father’s plan of happiness would be destroyed.
Death is a part of life. It is an essential element of God’s plan of progression and happiness for his beloved sons and daughters Death is the gateway to immortality and eternal life.
In John 14:1-3 the Savior promised “…my peace, I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”.
To gain this special kind of peace requires an understanding of the gospel and an eternal perspective--things that Don and Pat both have. Life does not begin with birth and it doesn’t end with death. The scriptures tell us that we once dwelled with God, and in Job 38:7 it is recorded that we, along with the hosts of heaven “shouted for joy” for the opportunity to come to earth to be tried and tested. But we are also told in scripture that as good as earthly life is, it is the return home that we most looked forward to.
To return home to our Father requires that we pass through--not around--but through the doors of death. Most of us, before we go on a journey, want some assurance of a round trip ticket. In this eternal journey, that assurance of a “round trip ticket” comes from Jesus Christ and only from Jesus Christ.
Our all-powerful Savior, who healed the sick and raised the dead, freely gave Himself as a sacrifice and atonement for the sins of mankind. He had done no wrong--only good, yet on a cross on Calvary he died--for me, for each of you, and for Don Scoffield.
Jesus was placed in a borrowed tomb with guards outside the door, but nothing could hold back the Son of God. The earth trembled, the guards fled and stone was moved. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, stepped forth triumphant over sin and over death.
Don did not want to leave Pat and others in his family and circle of friends--but he also did not live in constant fear of death. What we fear most on this earth is the unknown, and the gospel was not unknown to Don Scoffield. He understood what it was about and he embraced it.
It is a belief in our religion that marriages and family ties can endure beyond the grave. Studies have shown that most people who profess a belief in the hereafter share that concept, even if the official doctrine of their denomination does not. Logic and the Holy Ghost tell them it is so. I have two CD’s of old time non-denominational bluegrass gospel music. I love them. Evidence that they are good is the fact that my teenage grandchildren would rather walk, than ride in the car, while they are playing. At least half of those songs speak of the reunion of family in heaven. Andrew Jackson epitomized this hope when he said, “Heaven for me will not be heaven, unless I find my wife there”. I testify to you that Pat will be able to find Don there someday. Don isn’t gone from us--he has just gone on before us.
Elder Paul H. Dunn offered the following analogy:
In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine sailing-ship spreads its brilliant white canvas in a fresh morning breeze and sails out to the open sea. We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon. Finally where the sea and sky meet, she slips silently from sight; and someone near me says, “There she is gone!”
Gone where? Gone from sight--that is all. She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still just as able to bear her load. And we can be sure that, just as we say, “There she is gone!” another says, “There, she comes!”
President John Taylor said, “While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.”
Try to envision the joy when a son--this son--is reunited with parents and other family members and friends that have gone on before. Think of Brother Scoffield’s excitement as his eyes closed on time and reopened on eternity. Maybe he and my wife’s father are tending to cows along a canal somewhere.
For a long time Don couldn’t breath. His hearing had failed and his body was getting tired. After this last episode he was mostly paralyzed and couldn’t see. The Easter Brothers sing a song entitled, A Heart That Will Never Break Again. These are the lyrics:
I remember standing at my Daddy’s Bedside,
And the tears filled up the wrinkles in his face.
As I held his withered hand he smiled and whispered,
Son, I’m going to live in a better place.
And I’ll have eyes that will never fill with teardrops.
I’ll have legs that will never ache with pain.
I’ll have hands that will never age and wither,
And a heart that will never ache again.
I have often heard and read about that city,
Where with Jesus we shall live forever more.
There are mansions in construction for my dwelling.
And the streets of gold will run by my front door.
And all the eyes of the blind will then be opened,
And they’ll join the victory march with the lame
And the deaf who’s never heard the roar of thunder
Will rejoice to hear the Savior call their name.
I testify to you that Don still lives, that he will have a restored and healthy body and that family relationships and friendships can continue if we are diligent. That burden now shifts to us. I believe that Don’s counsel might now be that we need to turn to the gospel, not from it. He would say in his blunt way, with his finger wagging, “If you need changes in your life, make them now”. He would say to get over the mourning, and like he told me years ago, “the sun will come up tomorrow”. He would probably then tell me it was time to sit down because he had chores to tend to at home.
As the days go by, some of them will become quite long for Pat. I know that you folks love her--how could you not? Remember her in your thoughts and prayers--but more important turn those thoughts to action. Helen Keller appropriately said, “Sick or well, blind or seeing, we are here for a purpose, and however situated, we please God better with useful deeds than with prayers of pious resignation.” Make a phone call, stop by and visit--turn worthy thoughts to action.
One great lesson from Don’s life is to do something rather than just talk about it. My old Branch President, Keith Fairbank used to say that, no one had been taught unless you changed their actions. We can expound from the pulpit all we want, but our example of reaching out to help others is a better teacher and far more likely to change behavior. Let’s try to follow Don’s example of kindness and true charity.
Brothers and sisters we must love life and each other. Cherish each moment as the blessing from God that it truly is. May we live life up to our potential; so that with the help of the Lord, our actions and our hearts will qualify us to receive everlasting joy, glory and eternal life. For this I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
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